In the early days of the resistance, the monstrous races – ogres, orcs, and trolls – were forced to support the Overlord, and their lives were slightly more miserable than they had been before he arrived. But slowly, rumors began to spread of a heroic half-orc… the tale of a singular hero who rebelled against the Overlord which spread among the monstrous tribes like a recipe for Halfling Stew: the Ballad of Oguk Half-Orc.
The Ballad of Oguk Half-Orc
Oguk was strong. Oguk was brave. Oguk like to eat baby.
Oguk fight good. Oguk hit hard. Oguk orc hero, maybe.
Black dragon flew down. Said ‘do what you told’ to tribes all over land.
We did what he told. We walked around. We grabbed the humans who ran.
One day some ogres were walking around. Saw some humans in cave.
They caught ice monkey, said ‘lets eat some now. But leave a little to save.’
Little elf human said ‘no don’t eat him. You will get a bad curse.’
‘We work for dragon. Kill monkey, we hurt you. Dragon will hurt you much worse.’
Oguk was there. Said ‘hey there my friends. Monkey is not good to eat.’
’Don’t want you get sick. Try something else. Maybe some half-human meat?’
Oguk saved ogres from bad stomach mess. Monkey would give them the shits.
But half-human so yummy. Tastes like a baby. Just don’t eat the grown-up bits.
Black dragon flew down. Shouted at ogres. ‘GO AWAY. GO LIE IN A HOLE.’
‘PUT DOWN YOUR CLUBS. DROP THE ICE MONKEY. TIME FOR WILL SAVE: NOW ROLL.’
Ogres got scared. Dropped all their clubs. Ran off to hide in the snow.
Dragon was angry. Ogres were clever. Don’t mess with dragons, we know.
Oguk was hungry. Wanted eat baby. Wizard was only house near.
Walked up the mountain. Climbed to the top. Up to the giant stone spear.
There was the dragon. Had message for wizard. Told Oguk take it to him.
Oguk said ‘sure.’ Dragon fly away. Oguk said ‘that dragon is dim!’
Oguk grabbed ruby, cut out a door. Went into the wizard’s hood.
Oguk saw ghost man. Man warned of puzzles. Oguk would have to be good.
Oguk climbed stair. Walked through black door. He saw stupid dumb room.
Purple light hurt him. White light was go. Saw some stair in the gloom.
Oguk made purple. All over the room. Went to climb up the stair.
The real stair was hiding. Oguk found it. Got the hell out of there.
Oguk found black door. Went inside it. Was in another big room.
Oguk was smart, but Oguk not know. This room would be Oguk’s doom.
Oguk see water. Oguk see lava. Oguk see nothing and also some dirt.
Oguk knew monsters would show up to fight him. Maybe Oguk get hurt.
Two monsters came out. One from each corner. Oguk must be in their lair.
Monster of fire, monster of dirt, monster of water, monster of air.
A Pepper Head was monster of fire. Monster so hot that he burned.
Oguk think monster remind him of fart light. Fart light was trick that he learned.
Chessex was monster. Monster of air. He flew on top of the ground.
Oguk think Chessex remind him of fart. Fart that could move around.
Gravy Master was monster of water. Sloshed with steps that he took.
Oguk think monster remind him of poopies. Poopies with angry look.
Dirt monster looked just like an ogre. Typecasting really not nice.
Oguk think monster remind him of ogre. I guess typecast suffice.
Monsters grab Oguk, kill him real quick. Oguk get torn apart.
But Oguk our hero. Oguk our friend. Oguk live on in our heart.
Now all little monsters, you be like Oguk. You be brave and be strong.
But don’t go see wizard, or you die like Oguk. Unless my story is wrong.